The 2013 Heartbreaker Challenge Awards

You may have heard that about a week ago I participated in my first race ever. Needless to say I am pretty proud of that bib I received the Friday before in my race package.

Last January 1^st, clearly still drunk from the night prior’s festivities, I asked four other amazing women if they wanted to take part in the Detroit Free Press Marathon Relay this coming October. This was going to be my first race ever, and I would have the same amount of time to train for it, as most people gestate humans. That same week, my friend Gillian, who must have been hammered, got wild hair and decided the Heartbreaker Challenge would be great to add to our race schedule for the year. (I’ll let you in on a secret, the only event I planned to put on my schedule was the relay). I decided to turn on the macho (Can chicks be macho?) and say yes.  I had no clue what was involved, really…and that was probably a good thing.

Over the next couple months little videos started to appear on Facebook. Little hints here and there about what to expect. I have to say the organizers did a good job of not really letting on exactly how this would go down. About a week before the race I was tagged in the following map. Thus, the pant shitting began.

The day before the race, I was so scared that I became physically ill. This resulted in frantic texts to my team, my trainer, my husband and my friends asking them how to get the hell out of dodge before the next day. No one wanted to help me. Jerks. Instead I got a ton of encouragement (and maybe some little white lies) about the course not being ‘that bad’ and my stellar abilities to complete it.

Race day came WAY too fast, I took my precautionary Immodium and Team Muck Fud was decked out and ready to go. Word on the street is that there was no turning back because the girls on my team wouldn’t let me. Believe me, I tried.

I started off strong with a panic attack before getting ½ way up the first hill. It’s a good thing my friend Julie, who has a PhD in ‘Cut the Bullshit’, got me to take some cleansing breaths, and told me to stop saying I can’t at every friggen obstacle,  and things finally started to go smoothly. I had a goal of 9 obstacles. I DID 15 OF 16!!! I crawled through mud, climbed hills, climbed tires and hay bales, waded through 200 meters of nasty ditch water, carried and dragged tires, rocked the water slide, climbed walls and pulled myself up the side of a hill “Everest” with a muddy rope! (The only one I didn’t complete was the tarp crawl because there were about 40 people behind me and my fear of holding people back set in)

I am not going to lie, until we were about 3km in I was trying to figure out how to escape the insanity. After the ditch I actually considered climbing a fence and asking to use someone’s phone to call for help. But I didn’t. I sucked it up and kept going. By the looks on some people’s faces when I said it was my first race, I am guessing that a mud run isn’t the norm for first timers. Go big or go home I guess? Most people were throwing their swamp infested shoes out after the Challenge, not me…mine will be kept in the same condition they left that park in, forever.

I never had a bucket list before, and now I do. It is filled with all kinds of crazy things that I wouldn’t have even considered 6 months ago, now it’s not a matter of if I will do them, it’s when. Next up? The Colour Run!

Now for the awards…

Teamwork: Clearly this award goes to Team Muck Fud. I was so lucky to be part of a team with Julia Beaney, Gillian Slate and Brittany Peterson. The obstacle volunteers kept telling us how awesome a job we were doing. From gentle ass grabs to holding hands, pulling and pushing each other, encouraging each other and not letting anyone quit or be left behind, this was an easy choice.

Best Dressed Group: The Jamaican Bobsleeding Team. Clearly, they are the total package.

Best Dressed Individual: Superman! This guy ROCKED! Not only did he ensemble kick ass (and was risky with a cape and those crazy obstacles) he was even pushing me to keep going! Dude, next year I will be thin enough to be your Lois Lane and you can fly over the finish line with me in your arms, mmmkay? 😉

Cheerleaders: Axfit Junkies all the way. It started with a pre-race hug from Anthony (who needs to get his butt back to Axfit 😉 ) It was pretty awesome to have people yelling my name as I crossed the finish line! My BFF Kelly and her man, DUFOUR, Ash Attack, Karel, Marc, Meaghan and Steve. Plus I had Danielle and her friend Trish, passing me cheering me on along the way! You guys rock! You are the ones who know where I started and it was pretty awesome to see you standing there when I finished my first race! And of course, Danielle. Whose trainer calls them from a wedding to tell them how proud of you they are? Only mine I bet. (And ya, I cried. What of it?)  Tyrell gets a shout out for this call too. Without these Axfit peeps, I wouldn’t have ever even had the nerve to say yes, let alone actually be part of any sort of event like this. (Clearly, my husband, family and friends get props for my cheering section too!  Apparently they expected me to be done more quickly as I had about 18 ‘How’d it go?’ texts when I finally got to my phone.)

Best Obstacle: Um, duh…the WATERSLIDE! Sorry about you suckahs that didn’t get to do this one. It was AWESOME. I also win the award for furthest distance traveled. If anyone has further than ‘almost in the parking lot’ let me know and I will hand over my medal.

Worst Obstacle: The ditch. The smell. The length. Oh.My.Shit. DISGUSTING. I swear my clothes still stink after 5 washes!

Best Post Race Amenity: BEER. WHY did no one tell me, that at athletic events they hand you BEER when it’s over. PEOPLE, that would have been incentive for me to get my ass in shape a LONG time ago!

Worst Post Race Amenity: The shower. Seriously. It was like a mist. Perhaps the fire hose at the end would be more beneficial next year?

And there you have them. The Heartbreaker Challenge 2013 Awards. Stay tuned…my adventures are just beginning!