Dear Gym Fashion Models

Dear Gym Fashion Models,

I have been going to Axfit for 6 months now. At first I was very concerned about ‘what to wear’ or more importantly what NOT to wear. I don’t need Clinton Kelly showing up and giving me the hairy eyeball, however, I decided that I needed to forgo fashion for comfort and being practical. I wouldn’t want to have to call in the Jaws of Life to have my pants extracted from my butt after sprinting. Let’s face it, even if I found a super cute plus sized outfit, it wouldn’t hide the fact that I am ‘fluffy’ and it would probably ride up my rump whilst I am showing off my slick drills. (See Below)

Slick Moves

In the beginning, before I made ‘gym’ friends, I am not going to lie; I did A  LOT of people watching. If you thought I was staring at you, chances are, you were probably right. As time progressed, I started to notice an alarming trend. I thought to myself, ‘WHAT ARE SOME OF THESE CRAZY BITCHES DOING PRIMPING AND SHIT FOR WORKING OUT??’ You may not visibly sweat like a Dude but SERIOUSLY? Touching up the lip gloss is a little much! I know you have sweaty pits, and likely a sweaty ass…that extra coat of lip shimmer is not going to distract me from your pit stains on your multi-coloured racer back tank!

Now let’s talk about pants. I LOVE your Lululemon pants. (I actually have a bone to pick with the Lulu assholes in my next Diary entry). The thing is, ladies, as cute as they are, sometimes I can see your thong in certain colours of pants. I mean, it’s a pretty thong, and I would love to have some the same, (if they wouldn’t be swallowed by Gigantor), but you showing me yours every day is just mean. You may want to know that I have now decided that this is how I see you. Hot, right?




Please don’t take this the wrong way. Keep wearing your cute clothes and cute shoes. I am making myself a mental closet of all the things I will buy when I lose more weight. We all want to feel good while we are working on looking good, and I know that clothes help. The thing is, don’t just wear these clothes to look cute. Wear them for what they are intended. Now that we are outside I can realllly tell whose first priority is looking cute and second is getting an ass kickin’. GET DIRTY! Who cares? WHAT  DID YOU COME HERE FOR? I hope it’s not to pick up, because if you haven’t heard, all the boyfriends are taken. Please, don’t make me throw mud at you.

Lastly, I leave you with this. Before you apply that last layer of lip gloss, perfectly tease your ‘messy’ bun around your fashionable headband, or spritz on some perfume, I would do a camel toe check, or maybe three.